Esquire Theme by Matthew Buchanan
Social icons by Tim van Damme

29

Jun

subwaydouchery: SUBWAY WOOFERY : It ain’t me, babe… Let me explain something to you… I’m a fucking dog! Do you think I bought a MetroCard and swiped it with my gigantic furry paw? Do you think I wanna be lying on this floor that smells like the urine from at least seven different species? Do you think I wanna be covered in fur when it’s ninety degrees outside? I was on my third post-treat nap of the early afternoon, when my owner bellowed, “It’s such a beautiful day, we should go for a walk!” I knew that sounded like bad news for ol’ Ruffington here so I promptly climbed into my oversized Pet Porter and passed gas… Next thing I know I’m walking onto a subway car and everyone is starring at me like I’m some mythical creature from an enchanted forrest. Listen here New Yorkers, just because all of your dogs can fit in Louis Vuitton purses doesn’t mean the rest of the country doesn’t hang with big dogs like myself! And before you ask, yes my father was The Beast in the family comedy smash hit The Sandlot. (http://bit.ly/bJy0aX) How else do you think I can afford to live on the Upper East Side?  *** Picture barked in by Brian and originally posted on WestsideIndependent.com! Keep on Douchin’ *** Once I saw some sketchy ass dudes with serious street dogs on the Paris metro. We’re talking some rough looking characters dog included. He promptly took up the middle of the standing area took the rat that he had perched on his shoulder, started giving it kisses then put it back on his shoulder and nodded in and out of consciousness for the remainder of his ride. I miss living in the city.

subwaydouchery:

SUBWAY WOOFERY : It ain’t me, babe…

Let me explain something to you… I’m a fucking dog! Do you think I bought a MetroCard and swiped it with my gigantic furry paw? Do you think I wanna be lying on this floor that smells like the urine from at least seven different species? Do you think I wanna be covered in fur when it’s ninety degrees outside? I was on my third post-treat nap of the early afternoon, when my owner bellowed, “It’s such a beautiful day, we should go for a walk!” I knew that sounded like bad news for ol’ Ruffington here so I promptly climbed into my oversized Pet Porter and passed gas…

Next thing I know I’m walking onto a subway car and everyone is starring at me like I’m some mythical creature from an enchanted forrest. Listen here New Yorkers, just because all of your dogs can fit in Louis Vuitton purses doesn’t mean the rest of the country doesn’t hang with big dogs like myself! And before you ask, yes my father was The Beast in the family comedy smash hit The Sandlot. (http://bit.ly/bJy0aX) How else do you think I can afford to live on the Upper East Side? 

*** Picture barked in by Brian and originally posted on WestsideIndependent.com! Keep on Douchin’ ***

Once I saw some sketchy ass dudes with serious street dogs on the Paris metro. We’re talking some rough looking characters dog included. He promptly took up the middle of the standing area took the rat that he had perched on his shoulder, started giving it kisses then put it back on his shoulder and nodded in and out of consciousness for the remainder of his ride.

I miss living in the city.

1 year ago Short URL 27 notes

subwaydouchery via subwaydouchery